TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
birth control should be required to get into college
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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