you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
did i just pee glitter
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
