I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
