I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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