She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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