Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
