Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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