his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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