I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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