you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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