it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
