You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
