Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
