Say something about gay babies.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
