I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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