I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
