I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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