Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
