Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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