where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
