Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
