How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
