i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
