i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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