can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
