Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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