sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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