I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
