its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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