You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
