If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
