if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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