I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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