if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
