Tell her she can't have a vagina
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
