So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
