I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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