Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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