if you like me you must not know who I am
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
