Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
