guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I will be naked everywhere
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
