Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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