I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
