So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
