I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
