oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
