You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
