he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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