life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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