i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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